How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange

Officer May I see your driver's license?
Driver I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer The car is stolen?
Driver That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation

Captain Sir, can I see your license?
Driver Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain Who's car is this?
Driver It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver No problem.

Trunk is opened no body.

Captain I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!